Nesting: what is it and how to do it

Separation and divorce are among the most difficult experiences anyone can face. You are choosing to reshape your life into an arrangement that works for both parties. The process takes time and money and becomes even more complicated when children are involved.

Many parents choose a co-parenting approach called nesting. This involves the parents moving in and out of the family home while the children remain there. The aim is to reduce disruption and help children cope with the transition more easily.

What is nesting

Nesting during a separation is a co-parenting arrangement in which the children stay in the family home while the parents rotate in and out. This provides stability and continuity for the children and removes the pressure of both parents living together during a separation.

The main focus of nesting is to maintain a familiar routine for the children while giving parents space to navigate their separation in a structured way. It can also ease the financial burden by reducing the immediate need for both parents to secure separate accommodation.

Nesting is not intended to be permanent. It is a short-term arrangement that helps families transition into separate households in a more manageable way. It softens the change for the children and gives parents time to put long-term housing plans in place.

Pros of nesting

• Stability for children: They remain in the family home and continue their familiar routines.

• Financial benefits: It can reduce costs by delaying the immediate need for two separate homes.

• Less disruption: Children can stay at the same school and keep the same friends, which supports their emotional well-being.

Cons of nesting

Nesting has clear benefits, but it also comes with challenges. Scheduling can be difficult, and some couples prefer to move through their separation more quickly. For this reason, nesting often works for only a small number of families.

It is not designed to last long-term, as it prevents parents from fully establishing independent lives. Each parent still carries responsibility for part of the shared home, so nesting is best used as a transitional step that allows children to adjust gradually rather than experience a sudden change.

Practical tips for making nesting work

• Explore whether nesting is suitable by discussing intentions and logistics in mediation.
• Make sure both parents have a positive relationship and can communicate clearly.
• Agree on household rules and responsibilities, including food shopping, bills, repairs and whether visitors are allowed.
• Hold regular check-ins to assess what is working and what may need adjusting.
• Consider employing a cleaner for handover days.
• Agree on how personal belongings and communications will be managed so both parents can maintain privacy.

Conclusion

Nesting can be a helpful short-term approach for families navigating separation, offering children stability during an emotionally challenging time.

While it will not suit every situation, it can provide a smoother and more thoughtful transition into new living arrangements. With clear communication, firm boundaries and a shared commitment to the children, nesting can offer a supportive bridge between family life as it was and as it will become.

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